09 Feb So I Dance..
At the end of the 2013 General Elections, I found myself suddenly idle, with nothing to do with my time.
I had been part of a busy campaign for one of the candidates, a Believer taking a shot at politics, and had become used to the hectic, sometimes chaotic days characteristic of a political campaign.
But now it was over and I was getting really frustrated. I hated being idle.
But because I am a Labourer in the Kingdom, I had learnt over the years never to start a new venture, unless the Lord expressly instructed me to.
So I took my frustration to Him:
“Lord, I am idle. Please give me an assignment. Here are my hands.. please use them.”
And after a few days of praying this way, the answer came:
“Feed your spirit, challenge your mind and exercise your body,” He said.
So I understood that there would be no assignment just then, and reluctantly agreed to spend my days doing those three things.
I set aside time to study Scripture, some time to challenge my mind with knowledge I felt was crucial to my calling, and created a plan for exercise.
Then some days later, to my utter surprise, I found out that I was pregnant, and immediately understood why the Lord had responded that way.
I was overjoyed and looked forward to being a Mum again, and my husband and I excitedly shared the news with the kids, family, grandparents, friends – everyone!
The prospect of an additional child filled us with anticipation, and we began to prepare for her arrival. We were convinced it was a girl.
At least I was.
But then one day, in the early weeks of the pregnancy, I noticed some signs that it was not progressing well. Signs every joyfully expectant woman knows and dreads with all of her being.
I immediately called my doctor and made an appointment to see him. But, watching his face in the examination room that afternoon, I knew the news was not good.
“It is as you suspect,” he said, his eyes showing his compassion. “The pregnancy is no more.”
He had been my doctor for several years and had delivered my last pregnancy. He knew what this one meant to me.
So he gently explained what had happened and made arrangements to have me admitted in hospital immediately.
It was miserable in the hospital room, that evening. My husband stayed by my side way into the night, and did what he could to comfort me. But I felt utterly sorrowful when he left.
There is nothing worse than being in a hospital bed for the sole purpose of having your child’s remains scrubbed out of you.
“Evacuating,” they call it.
Utter misery, I’d say.
And by the time I was discharged, I was in real despair.
Why had the Lord given and then taken away? I knew He didn’t owe me an explanation for everything that happened in my life, but still, I was hurt and confused. Enough to keep away from Him for some time.
But then one night, I made up my mind to spend some time in worship, my grief notwithstanding. Worship had always been a precious balm to me – and still is – and I often reached out for Him this way.
So I woke up at about 3am, closeted myself in my prayer room and set my mind to worship.
“If I could have one desire, before my life is through, even in my darkest night, my life would shine for You..,” Lenny LeBlanc was singing.
I joined in, singing and dancing unto the Lord; reluctantly at first, but as I continued, gradually began to feel a lifting in my spirit.
After a while, my heart reviving and the Lord’s presence beginning to fill the room, I decided to pause and pray, with the music playing softly in the background.
But as I prepared to begin, Brethren, the Lord suddenly showed me a vision.
In this vision, I could see the Lord Jesus standing in my prayer room, just a few feet away from me. He was looking directly at me, and as I looked, smiled and held His hands out gently towards me. Without His saying anything, I knew He was inviting me to continue.
No words can express what I felt in my heart, Brethren! I immediately took up His invitation and began to worship. I sang and danced like I had never done in my life, the Lord smiling encouragingly all the while.
It was wonderful!
And as I danced, I could hear clearly the words of the song:
When I’m alone with You Lord
My troubles seem to disappear
And the peace that comforts me
Always comes when You are near
And Your love’s too much
For my heart to contain
Joy too much that my feet won’t refrain
So I dance..
So I dance..
It was the most precious 2:59 minutes I’ve ever experienced in my life.
And when the song came to an end, I sensed the Lord gently release me, and the vision came to an end.
When I sat down and examined my spirit a few minutes later, Brethren, all I could find was joy. A deeply contented, peaceful joy.
The hurt was gone.
The sorrow was gone.
The bitterness was gone.
The disappointment was gone.
I had danced them all away that night.
Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.
2 Corinthians 3:17