Paulie | Groanings Which Cannot Be Uttered..
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Groanings Which Cannot Be Uttered..

20 Apr Groanings Which Cannot Be Uttered..

<Excerpt from my journal>

Wednesday 2nd September, 2009

Last night I woke up to pray.

It was 1.30am – the hour of intercession.

I offered my usual prayers – for myself, my family, my work.

But after a while, the Holy Spirit began to lay a burden on my heart to pray for my new friend Moses. 

To my complete surprise, what started as a simple prayer soon became something I have never experienced before.

A few minutes into my prayer, I began to feel a deep, deep sorrow in my heart.

I began to moan and to groan, pleading with the Lord to heal his fiancee, Mary, of the terrible cancer I knew was eating her alive.

I begged and pleaded, wept and wailed, steeped in a petition only my spirit could understand.

I reminded the Lord that Moses and Mary were so young, barely at the beginning of their life together.

I informed Him of how wonderful it would be, if He were to heal her miraculously.

Entreated Him to consider Moses’ pain at losing a loved one so young.

I felt such a deep inconsolable sorrow, the kind you might feel if your brother lost his beloved wife.

But the Lord quietly revealed that it was time to take Mary home.

And that He had a very specific plan for young Moses.

Stunned, I picked up my phone and called Rachel, my Evangelist friend.

Even though the hour was late, I knew that she, too, would be awake, praying.

I shared with her what the Lord was saying and asked if I should continue my petition.

I was desperate to hear that the Lord would spare Moses this loss, and was sure that Rachel, being an elder Christian, could provide this assurance.

But of course this was not the case.                                                                   

“Pray, my sister,” was all she said, “just pray..” 


God, our Almighty Father, says in His word that our thoughts are not His thoughts, and that His ways are most certainly not our ways.

As a young Christian in 2009, I caught a glimpse of this reality when, 3 months after this startling incident, the Lord reached out and took Mary home to be with Him in eternity.

During that travailing prayer a few months earlier, the Lord had allowed me to feel a measure of the grief that Moses was shortly to endure.

And in the following weeks, to be quite honest, I was completely unable to visit Mary in hospital, as I could not bear to see her, knowing that her time on earth was coming to an end.

Moses ultimately buried his beloved fiancee in December that year.

She was 22.

He was 26.

Though I was greatly shaken by her departure, I took much comfort in knowing that it was the Lord’s will, and that He had held her in the palm of His hand, loving her and caring for her, until the very end.

I could not help but grieve for Moses however, a tender, caring man bereaved at such a young age.

But I drew comfort in the Lord’s words and His firm assurance that He had a very special plan for this man.

I marveled at how differently our Father in Heaven viewed our time here on earth, and eventually decided to simply rest in the knowledge that He knew His plans for us, and was firmly in control.

In time, Moses slowly began to pick up the pieces of his life.

He got a new job and immersed himself determinedly in it for a while.

But after about a year, at age 27, Moses made the decision to go back to school, ready, I sensed, to begin a new life.

He returned to Form 2 where he had stopped more than a decade earlier, and bravely faced the awkwardness that was sure to come, studying alongside boys 15 years of age.

Three short years later, he qualified for a place at the University and went on to study the degree of his choice.

Needless to say, I was amazed, elated and inspired, all at the same time.

And in the month of October this very year, this blessed young man will finally complete his studies at the University, praise be to our God Almighty!

Over the years,  dear reader, I have watched Moses rebuild his life, taking definite steps towards a destiny I believe our Father will eventually reveal.

It’s been 7 incredible years for him, and for me too, standing here quietly in the sidelines, watching him walk steadily towards his divinely-ordained purpose.

And I simply can’t wait to see what the Lord has in store for this very special son, Moses.


Mary’s name has been changed, in honor of her memory.

Moses very kindly allowed me to share his testimony freely.

Thank you, Moses! The Lord is surely with you..


Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Romans 8:26

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55: 8-9


  • Moses
    Posted at 19:10h, 20 April Reply

    Thank you for being an inspiration,a godmother and a counselor… My the grace of the Lord be with you always.

  • Ces
    Posted at 09:24h, 21 April Reply

    His ways are certainly NOT our ways. When we pray “let your will be done”, we should be ready for ANY eventuality and rest in the knowledge that HE has a plan…………………….

  • Anonymous
    Posted at 09:27h, 23 April Reply

    A bit scaring knowing that God can throw a snow ball at us but QUITE INSPIRING knowing that in all this, God is with us and therefore victory and success. Moses, I can hardly wait to see what God has in store for you and through you! Keep at it!!

  • Edge
    Posted at 07:00h, 24 April Reply

    I was there and I know it was not easy for you. Indeed God has a strong plan for MOSES which I am sure will unfold. Good reading !

  • Anonymous
    Posted at 19:49h, 30 April Reply

    As always…very inspiring. Moses, allow the Lord to order your steps each day., He has a good plan for you.

  • Caroline Odongo
    Posted at 17:29h, 23 May Reply

    I believe there is a reason why I am reading this post only now…..its amazing……many are the times we pray but do not seek an answer from God. He has His ways which are not ours and if we do not seek His answers we shall never know.

  • Anonymous
    Posted at 19:16h, 04 October Reply

    Thanks Paulie for your faith fullness

  • Anonymous
    Posted at 17:39h, 05 October Reply

    I also like your writing style because it’s light on my eyes.

  • clare wa-Ngai
    Posted at 19:54h, 05 October Reply

    I’ve been shy of my undergraduate degree for decades, because it was not born out of prime choices but rather out of seemingly poor circumstances….but just this week, as part of my daughter’s college application information, I found myself unearthing the hidden and even gazing at the goggle pictures of a place I had purposed to forget. Sister Paulie, now I know the joy of looking at a 16 year old and answering ‘yes’ to the question of my higher education. Surely, all things work together for those who love God and are called according to His promises/purposes in Christ Jesus. I’m celebrating Moses, the new graduate in this story. Welcome aboard brother, you’re in good company here!

    • Paulie
      Posted at 20:10h, 05 October Reply

      Amen! I celebrate with you Sister Clare.

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